


The Five Million Dollar Car

by derp2lol (Ihere)



Series: PoliceForcestuck [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Captured, Crime Fighting, Drugs, F/M, arguing all the fucking time, car theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-10
Updated: 2012-02-24
Packaged: 2017-10-30 22:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/336625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihere/pseuds/derp2lol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a search for a stolen car turns to a case to find a drug factory, can two officers settle their differences to solve this case?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Can someone please tell me how to fix this so the sentences aren't so broken? I'd really appreciate it!

“Gamzee,” Karkat groans rubbing his templates, “what did you do this time?”

The officer’s moirial was sitting back in a swirly chair that was pulled around next to Karkat’s desk. “One of your motherfucking friends told me that I was too fucking high or some shit,” he answers with a gaze. “I think he doesn’t understand when I’m getting my motherfucking miracles on.”

“Your soper slime is not a miracle!” Officer Captor argues from Karkat’s side, “You have to stop abusing the stuff. It’s for helping trolls sleep, not for eating.”

“Sollux let me handle this,” Karkat orders, “I can’t deal with two assholes at the same time.” 

“But-“

“Sollux!” Karkat points to his face “look at my face. Does it look like it wants to hear your whining?” The lisp-y officer doesn’t answer. “No it doesn’t. Now get the fuck out of here. Go call your fish girlfriend or something.”

The ashamed officer leaves the room and Karkat pulls out one of his cigarettes he smuggled past the fussy receptionist.

“You know you’re not allowed to have those in the building Karkat,” lectures Jade who was sitting in the desk across him the entire time filling paper work out.

“You can’t tell me what to do bitch.”

“Maybe,” their assistant Vriska says filing her nails, “but I know who can.” She turns to the entrance and yells, “Kanaya! He’s smoking again!”

Kanaya rushes into the room as fast as her high heels will allow her, glaring at Karkat who has the cigarette in his mouth, “Karkat! What did I say about smoking?”

Karkat ignores her but Jade answers, “Come on Karkat, you know smoking is bad for you. Maybe you could run more if you-“

“Who the fuck needs running?” Karkat interrupts, “We have cars for that!” He turns away and crosses his arms leaving Jade steaming. Kanaya pulls out her spray bottle that is full of water and sprays Karkat straight in the face. Karkat screams in aggravation and pulls his useless smoke out and reaches for another.

“Don’t think I won’t do this all day Karkat,” Kanaya threatens positioning the spray bottle straight towards Karkat’s face. Karkat gives up and puts the cigarettes away. Triumphant, Kanaya goes back to her own desk. 

Vriska smirks, “I used to smoke, but I had to quit because the hospital wouldn’t let me smoke around John. I’ve never felt better since I’ve stopped,” she brags. Karkat gives her a death look. 

“Uh, Karkat? Can I make like a motherfucker and leave now?” Gamzee questions. He spent the entire scene in a daze while swirling around in his chair contemplating the miracle of swirling.

“Huh? Yeah whatever, just don’t do it again or avoid getting caught next time,” his moirial replies.

The stoned high blood gets out of the department quickly only tripping two times along the way.

“Why do you always let him go Karkat?” Jade asks. “He keeps getting caught.”

Karkat shrugs, “He’s a high blood, and even Chief Sweats-a-Lot would have let him go. In my rank I can only give him a warning. It’s a good thing he’s my moirial or I might have killed him by now.” 

“That doesn’t seem fair,” Jade argues.

“Life isn’t fair for low bloods and humans Jade,” Vriska answers interrupting Karkat from responding. “That’s just how it is.” 

Jade mumbles something along the lines of ‘It’s still not fair,’ but no one pays attention to her. 

Soon the lisp-y officer returns to the room, “Hey guys I got an assignment for you.”

Jade lights up, “Really?” There hasn’t been a serious assignment since the stolen jewels. 

“Don’t get excited Jade,” Sollux warns, “It’s just a stolen car. You guys can just drive around town looking and report back later. It’ll get you out of the building for a while.” Sollux hands Karkat a description, picture, and license plate number of the stolen car. “Have fun,” and then the troll officer leaves. 

“Shit, another wasted day in the car,” Karkat complains.

Vriska picks up a magazine and smirks, “I thought you said cars are the replacement of running Karkat.”

“Yeah well shut the fuck up!” The low blooded troll shouts, “And don’t be so cocky, you’re coming with us.”

“What! Why do I have to come with you?”

Karkat evilly grins, “You’re our assistant, who knows, we might need assistance.”

“What? Do you think the car’s going to break down or something?” Vriska glares throwing her magazine down.

“Maybe.”

“Okay guys, let’s just calm down,” Jade commands. “The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can go home.” Both trolls spit out a fine, and this terrible trio goes on their way. 

“I’m driving,” says Karkat outside pulling out a cigarette. “I’m never going to trust either of you to drive me anywhere.”

Jade frowns, “It isn’t because we’re female, isn’t it?” Both females glare at Karkat waiting an answer.

Karkat lights his cigarette and starts smoking, “Please, if you two had penises I still wouldn’t trust you.” Both of the females gape at him.

“Then why is it?” Vriska questions.

“It’s because you two are some of the biggest fucking idiots I know. And that’s saying something,” The male troll opens the car door on the driver’s side. 

Before he gets in he notices Jade holding Vriska back, “Oh yeah? Well you’re the biggest idiot I ever met! And I’ve met your moirial!” Karkat flips her off.

“Vriska please!” begs Jade. “Let’s just get this over with so we can go home.” The spider troll calms down and the two head toward the car.

“Wait a second!” Vriska stops Jade from entering the car in the passenger’s seat.

Karkat honks the horn, “Let’s go already!” he shouts.

Vriska ignores him, “I’m not sitting in the back where all the criminals sit. It’s degrading.”

Karkat leans against the car and rests his head on his hand, “You are a criminal.”

“Those charges were dropped,” rebuttals Vriska. 

“Everyone please calm down,” sooths Jade. The two continue to glare at each other. Jade screams in aggravation, “Fine! I’ll sit in the back.” So Jade pushes Vriska into the car and Jade walks to the back. She had some trouble seeing through the wire on the windows. 

The cop car drives the trio around Skaia, and the group spent the entire time arguing. 

“I’m just saying that Nicholas Cage is the best actor in the world and no one can even compare,” Vriska snootily says.

“And I’m saying that Troll Will Smith is hands down the best fucking actor in the universe,” argues Karkat.

“Then why don’t you like Human Will Smith, Karkat?” questions Jade.

“Because that asshole is a fucking poser!”

“Both versions are posers!” attacks Vriska.

“And Nicholas Cage is a sell-out!” Karkat shouts returning the attack. 

Vriska gasps, “You take that back!”

“No.”

“Yes!”

“NO!”

“YES!”

“Both of you shut the fuck up!” Jade screams. “We’ve been driving for two hours and have found nothing!” Jade coughs from the cigarette smoke, “Karkat open my window, I can’t breathe!”

“Why don’t you? Aren’t you a big girl?” Karkat mocks.

“I would, but you can’t open the back windows of a cop car yourself! You have to have the driver do it! Do you want the criminals to cause problems with an open window?”

Karkat grumbles, “Fine, but what kind of trouble could a criminal do with an open window?”

“You would be surprised,” Vriska says simply. 

Jade sighs and looks out the window, “Wait! There’s an abandoned car out there!”

Karkat pulls the car over and everyone scrambles the fuck out. The trio runs to the car and finds it in decent condition. Karkat checks the documents and finds out that this is the exact car that was stolen.

Karkat cheers, “Fuck yeah! Case closed. Now let’s call Sollux and get the fuck out of here!” Karkat pulls out his walkie talkie and dials up for the department.

“Wait a second Karkat,” Jade puts her hand over the communications device. “Why would someone steal a car and then abandon it in the outskirts of town? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Who the fuck cares? People here are crazy.” Karkat returns to the communicator.

Jade pulls Karkat’s shoulders to face her, “But aren’t you wondering why-“

“No, now let me work.”

“Uh guys?” Vriska calls from the other side of the car. She is holding the trunk door up, “I think you should check this out.” Karkat and Jade walk to the back and are shocked by what they see.

“Holy shit,” says Jade.

“Where did all this shit come from?” asks Karkat. The group continues to stare inside the trunk where five million dollars worth of drugs laid inside.


	2. Chapter Two

Sollux searches through the trunk of the car “Look at all of this!” The cop pulls out some of the drugs and drops them into a bag, “Meth, cocaine, soper slime, and marijuana?” Officer Captor pulls out a bag of brown mush that mysteriously looks like shit, “I don’t even know what this is.” 

The rest of the pow-wow watches him from the sidelines, “So what’s the game plan?” Vriska asks sitting on the hood of the car. “Are you going to find out who did this or are you going to sell this on the streets?”

Jade disappointingly looks at Vriska, “Of course we’re going to find out who did this.” The human turns to Sollux seriously, “How are we going to handle this?”

“Well,” lisps the officer, “You and Karkat are going to return the car back to its owner and find out if they know anything about this.” He turns to Vriska, “You’re returning to the station with me.”

Vriska throws her hands up, “What? Why do I have to go back to that boring place?” she argues in defiance. “Things were just starting to get interesting with these two!”

“That’s exactly why, you’re still a civilian and not very trustworthy while we’re at it,” the troll explains. He snickers, “Don’t worry, you can fill out the paper work with me over this case. It’ll be fun.”

Vriska screams in aggravation but leaves with Officer Captor stomping. Before they leave, Captor shouts from out the car door window, “We’ll be sending someone to take the evidence away, so break that to the owner.” And he drives off to the station. 

Jade turns to Karkat, “Well we better get going.” Karkat doesn’t respond, but continues to stare at the car’s trunk with wide eyes like he has been since he finished calling Sollux over. “Are you okay Karkat?”

He smiles, “Think Jade, this is huge.”

“What are you talking about?” Officer Harley queries the troll officer. 

Karkat throws his hands out as if he’s presenting the trunk as a games show prize, “A car is found with five million dollars worth of illegal goods. This is big.” He grins at Jade, “Bigger than the stolen jewels.”

The human gawks at Karkat, “You-You’re not serious are you?”

The troll throws his hands to his face, “This is it! This is my fucking redemption! This’ll prove that I am better than you and you are just some stupid fucking kid that is a total nuisance to my career! You’ll be gone in no time,” the troll laughs to himself and pulls out another cigarette to celebrate. 

Jade face palms herself shaking her head, “You are serious.”

“I can just see it now,” Karkat continues ignoring his partner, “Chief Sweat-Head will come up to me and say, ‘Well Mr. Vantas,’” poorly impersonates Karkat puffing out his chest, “’I can see that you don’t need that bitch around. I’ll just have Mr. Captor deal with her. In fact, I think it’s about time you had a promotion. Why don’t you take my job? Now if you will excuse me, I believe that I need a towel because I am a sweaty ignoramus.’” Jade surprises him by pulling him by the back of his collar and forcing him to the cop car. 

“Let’s just go, you can day dream later,” she grumbles. The human officer pushes him into the driver’s side, and she heads toward the passenger side. By the time Jade has buckled up, Karkat was still snickering over the juicy idea of him winning this case and not getting ready to move. 

Annoyed, Jade crosses her arms and waits for Karkat to start. After five seconds she hits him in the arm hard, “Ow! What the fuck Jade?” The injured troll complains.

“Can’t you just start the car, so we can get going already?” she grumbles.

“Fuck your impatience.” He smiles darkly at her, “Lucky for you we’re still partnered up.” 

Jade uncrosses her arms and looks confusingly at Karkat, “What do you mean by that?”

Karkat grabs another smoke and relaxes, “We’re waiting for someone before we leave.”

“Who?” Jade cautiously questions. Karkat does not reply, but instead continues to snicker over his plan for after the case. Jade sullenly pulls out the documents over the car and person to look for any clues for the case. 

Seven minutes later Karkat jumps up in his seat, “She’s here, and shit she’s driving.” Outside in the fields a small red car comes swerving closer and closer to the cop car. It slams to a stop right before hitting the cop car. 

Jade and Karkat quickly climb out to see what kind of idiot was driving. The owner of the red car opens their door and climbs out.

“Terezi? You brought Terezi?” questions Jade. “When did you even have time to call her over?”

Karkat snickers, “After calling Sollux, duh.” 

The bounty hunter pulls out her smacking cane and grins at the cops, “What’s up you two? This better be good, I was in the middle of Troll Judge Judy. She was going to hang a guy for insubordination.” She drums her fingers over her cane.

Karkat throws his extinguished cigarette down, smashes it, and pulls out another one, “We found drugs in a stolen car and we need you to tell us if they belong to the owner.”

“Oh, sounds like fun,” Terezi responds honestly. “Probably not as fun as Troll Judge Judy, but it’ll do.”

Jade pulls Karkat close for a whisper, “Why did you call her? She’s a civilian!”

Karkat doesn’t bother whispering, “Yeah, and one who used to be a cop! She can help speed up the case; trust me we used to work together.” He pushes Jade away and turns to Terezi, “You follow us and we’ll lead you to the owner of the vehicle.” Terezi shrugs an okay and heads inside her car.

“Wait!” Jade commands, “Why are you driving? You’re BLIND!” 

The bounty hunter sadly frowns at Jade, “Thanks for bringing up my disability again, jerk.” And she goes inside her red car.

“But-“ Jade stutters.

“Let’s go,” Karkat says pushing Jade into the cop car. The partners drive silently to the owner of the stolen car.

“That troll makes no sense to me,” Jade huffs inside the car. Karkat shrugs pulling a fresh cigarette out.

The two vehicles eventually arrive at the owner’s house in a poor area in the meaner parts of town. A run down building with weeds growing everywhere and shingles dropping from the rooftop. “Definitely the house of a drug dealer,” Karkat proclaims confidently. A dog runs in front of him nearly tripping Karkat and causing the officer to shout a list of profanes. 

“Innocent until proven guilty, Karkat” Jade corrects getting out of the cop car.

Terezi comes up from behind them, “Actually it’s guilty until proven innocent I believe Miss Lime.”

They walk up to the porch and stand in front of the door, Jade quickly rings the door bell and they wait. A crash from the inside occurs and a woman’s yelling screeches throughout the house. A tired older human woman opens the door clutching a human toddler in one hand and a frying pan in the other. “What do ya’ want?” she barks.

Karkat steps forward, “Are you Mrs. Harrison?”

The lady begins to take in the partners’ uniforms, “Oh you’re the cops, right?” Jade nods. “Come in, come in dears. Sorry for the mess.” The group comes in to the run down house and smells something close to rotten food and baby shit. Dirt, clothes, toys, and spoiled food can be found anywhere inside. Jade spots two siblings chasing each other with the chaser carrying a dirty diaper. Mrs. Harrison turns to the toddler, “You go tell your siblings to all go to your rooms. I don’t want to hear nothin’ until I say so. Do ya’ hear me?” The scared toddler waddles to another room calling for his siblings. The exhausted mother turns to the officers and bounty hunter, “So did ya’ find my car yet?”

Jade answers twiddling her fingers in nervousness, “Yes madam, but there seems to be an issue involving your car.” 

The woman instantly turns deep red in the face and raises her frying pan offensively, “What do ya’ mean there’s an issue? I want my god damn car back!” 

Karkat steps up to the plate physically pushing Jade back, “We found drugs in it, so it’s officially evidence until we solve this fucking case.” He pulls out a new cigarette.

The woman frowns, “Drugs? How did drugs get in there?” She turns to Karkat, “Can ya’ please not smoke in here? I got kids ya’ know.” Karkat blows right into her face.

Jade smacks the back of the troll’s face, “Try to be nice,” she whispers. She turns back to Mrs. Harrison, “That’s what we are trying to find out, but you see-“

“We’ll contact you when we have more information,” Terezi interrupts. The blind troll then pushes the officers out of Mrs. Harrison’s house. 

“Terezi what was that for?” exclaims Jade once outside of that filthy house.

“No drugs there,” she answers, “I smelled a lot of things in there, but not drugs. It surprises me considering that human. I would’ve resulted to drugs by then, but nope not her.” 

Karkat looks at the blind officers smoking a new smoke, “Are you sure?”

“Definitely,” Terezi confirms. The bounty hunter turns to leave, “I have to get away from this place. Talk about a shit house.” The female troll shudders and turns to leave in her car as fast as she can.

“Wait!” Jade calls, “Aren’t you going to help us finish this case?” 

Terezi scrolls the car window down, “Sorry this town is far too big for me to take in such a common smell.” She turns back to the wheel, but turns back to the partners grinning, “Besides, this is your case, remember?” And with that the blind troll speeds away nearly hitting two cars before she is able to leave the street. 

“So what now Mister Wanna-Be-Chief-Of-The-Police-Department-Whoses-Going-To-Fire-Me?” mocks Jade poking Karkat’s head.

He brushes her away and thinks for a moment savoring his cigarette, “You’re fucking terrible with insults you know that?” The human frowns. “Don’t worry; I got this fucking figured out.” Karkat grabs his cellular phone out, “I just need to make a quick call.”

Jade wraps her arms around herself to fight the slightly chilly weather, she looks at Mrs. Harrison’s house, “Remind me to notify child services later.”


	3. Chapter Three

The partners reach the diner, “Now remember,” Officer Vantas instructs Jade, “I do all the talking, and you shut the fuck up.” He stomps on his dead cigarette and reaches for a fresh one, “Do you understand?” 

Jade looks at Karkat annoyed and nods her head, “Yes because you know everything and I don’t.” She turns to stare at the piss stain in the cement by the diner a little grossed out. 

Karkat puffs out his chest proudly, “Exactly.” The troll officer heads into the diner and once he was inside, Jade squints her eyes and mutters, “Fuckass,” and follows him inside.

The restaurant has greatly changed since the last time Karkat and Jade had been there. The diner is nearly empty save for a bum who is passed out on a table. The place smells like it has burned food and moldy dishes. One of the employees is crying in the corner about his life or some fucking thing. Jade steps over some trash while Karkat trudges through to the back of the diner where the kitchen is, “Gamzee!” Karkat screeches, “Get the fuck over here!” Karkat extinguishes his cigarette on the counter. 

A doped troll walks towards the officers, “Hey my motherfucking best friend. How are you fucking doing on this fine motherfucking morning?”

“Gamzee,” Karkat growls, “It’s passed noon.” Karkat jerks Gamzee on the collar and looks straight into the waiter’s bloodshot eyes, “You’re high right now, aren’t you?”

The troll’s relaxed face stares into the ceiling, “Yup,” he slurs, “Do you know how many motherfucking tiles are up there, bro? Like, there has to be a million or something.” Gamzee raises his hand to try to count all of the ceiling tiles.

Karkat slaps the doped troll’s hand down, “Hardly that many Gamzee.” 

Gamzee rolls his eyes back to Karkat a little less spaced out, “Hey bro and sis!” he indicates to Jade, “I got promoted! I’m now the motherfucking manager. Can you believe that shit?” 

Jade looks at the barf on the floor, “That explains a lot actually.”

“Fucking idiot is whoever hired you in the first place,” Karkat mutters scrunching his eyebrows together. “Now,” the officer jerks Gamzee’s head again so that the troll would focus back on him, “Where do you get your drugs?”

Gamzee stares at his moirial’s horns, “Why bro? Do you want to experience motherfucking miracles too? I bet your horns would grow so fucking big.” Karkat pulls at his hair in aggravation not silently screaming at all. 

“Maybe you should do a nicer approach, Officer Vantas,” Jade interjects walking in between the two. 

“I told you to shut the fuck up!” Karkat snaps. Jade slowly backs away behind Karkat. The short-tempered officer turns back to the abused troll, “Now tell me where you get your drugs.”

Gamzee remains dazed but answers, “Well bro, I get my motherfucking miracles from behind the restaurant.”

Karkat stares unfazed, “You’re meaning to tell me, that during all the times that I’ve come here, there have been drug dealings behind this building?” 

The troll on miracles smiles at his best friend, “Yup, and I’m supposed to keep the motherfucking police from finding out so they don’t ruin the miracles. They give me the best motherfucking discounts because of that.” Gamzee presses his fingers to his lips, “So don’t tell no fucking pigs, okay?” Karkat stares in disbelief at the troll who continues, “Oh I think some miracles are being motherfucking exchanged right now, if you want some for yourself bro.”

Karkat lets go on Gamzee and walks out of the diner grumbling. He turns back for just a second to shout, “Do something about this place! It’s out of regulation!” The waiter waves his moirial goodbye. 

Jade walks close behind jotting down some notes. “So how long have you been going to this place and not seeing the drug users?” she questions.

Once outside Karkat turns to head to the back of the building silently stomping his feet, “Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Harley.” Around the back of the building is a dead end ally with no escape. Karkat bends down behind a trash can and the human officer hides behind a dumpster a few yards away from the trolls; both officers lean a little to witness two trolls doing business. The trolls are low bloods with one being yellow-orange and the other being a light green. White powder and currency is being exchanged between the two. 

Karkat waves his hand to get Jade’s attention, “On my signal we jump them,” he whispers. Jade nods her head and waits for the signal while watching the two trolls.

“Thank you so fucking much for the fucking business,” The yellow-orange blooded one says while counting her newly earned money. 

The other one, a jumpy light green blooded one at that, replies, “Yeah yeah yeah, let’s just get going before anyone shows up.” The jumpy male troll fumbles with his bag. 

The female shrugs him off, “Please! I come here all the time to do my business, the police never come here. Got some doped out idiot keeping them away for me.”

Karkat snaps his fingers and the two officers jump up from their hiding place with their guns drawn, “Freeze!” Jade yells. “You are under arrest!”

The yellow-orange troll face palms herself, “You’re fucking kidding me!” The excited male troll wets his pants and cries. “Shut the fuck up!” the female shouts automatically raising her hands above her head. 

Karkat turns his walkie-talkie on, “Captor we’ve captured some fucking drug dealers. Go behind the diner and pick them up for us.” Jade walks up to the criminals to handcuff them. 

“Behind the diner? What diner?” Sollux responds questioning. 

Karkat grumbles, “The one where I always go to to eat at dumbass.”

“Drug dealing went on there?”

“It’s apparently gone on before,” Karkat mutters embarrassed. “This seems to be a regular place.”

After a short silence Officer Captor responds on the static-y communication device, “How many times have you gone there?”

“Can’t you just get over here already!?” The not very calm Officer Vantas screams into the technology. Sollux laughs and says that he’ll be there soon. 

Jade stands between the two handcuffed druggies, “You two are going to be away for quite some time,” she informs. “Now,” she pulling the annoyed yellow-orange blood troll close to her face, “Where did you get those drugs?” 

The female troll glares back, “I’m not telling you popo nothing.” She glares at Jade, “Try anything torture-like, and I’ll think that you’re flirting with me,” she says with a wink. 

Jade being a little disgusted pushes the troll away and turns to the other one, “Alright, what can you tell me?” 

The green troll shivers and cries with fright, “There’s a factory where the drugs are made right outside the east side of town next to the toy store!” he answers rushing out the information. “Please dear God don’t kill me!” 

Jade stares at the troll a little confused, “Next to a toy store?”

The troll stares back at her a little bewildered, “You never would have suspected it.”

The female troll screams in exasperation, “You fucking idiot!” she bangs her head on the diner’s brick wall. Karkat pulls her away when orange-yellow blood starts to appear on her forehead. 

“Alright that’s enough you fucktard,” he says. He lights a cigarette while having the troll pressed against the diner wall. 

When Officer Captor arrived, he loaded the criminals into the back of the cop car. “So what information did you get out of these two?”

Jade started to answer, but Karkat pushes her away, “There’s a possible place where we think the drugs are being made. We are going to check it out and call you later if we need you.”

Sollux accepts this as an appropriate response and takes the criminals away with him. 

Jade stares at Karkat when the cop car leaves, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? We know that’s where the drugs are being made!”

Karkat waves off her complaint and walks out of the alley way with Jade following close behind, “I told you that I know what I’m doing kid, oh and watch that mouth. You’re on the force and we can’t be having potty mouths,” he gets close to her face, Officer Harley smells the cigarette smoke from his breath, “And we can’t have that, can we now?” He backs away from her, and Jade watches him leave stunned, “This job is going to redeem me, so just stay behind and watch a professional at work.”


	4. Chapter Four

Officers Vantas and Harley silently drive to the suspected factory next to the toy store. The sun is close to setting in a couple of hours, and the animals are going to sleep; while the nocturnal ones are starting to awake. The factory is clearly abandoned with cob webs, broken windows, and ivy vines covering the building. Karkat quickly gets out of the cop car with Jade running close behind him. “Wait Karkat!” she says, “What’s the plan?”

Karkat stops and looks at her a little annoyed blowing some cigarette smoke, “Plan? What are you talking about?”

Jade gets furious, “You told me you had a fucking plan!” she shrieks slightly straining her voice. 

Officer Vantas puts his fingers to his lips, “Shut the fuck up! I do have a plan,” he whispers, “It’s me busting in there and arresting every fucking person in there,” Karkat reveals his gun, “with this.” The officer started to walk closer to the factory throwing down his cigarette without grabbing a new one. Jade groans to herself, but follows the idiotic officer. 

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” she whines. “At least let me call for back up.”

Karkat quickly whips his head around and glares at her, “No! Not until I have all of these fuckers in handcuffs. Now shut up and let me fucking work.” 

Karkat raises his guns and starts to open the door, Jade tries to grab his arm and stop him, but it was too late. The troll officer burst the door open and raises his gun, “Freeze!” he yells. 

Inside the abandon factory is a small group of trolls and humans playing cards in sweaty work clothes, looking at the two officers surprises them, but they automatically raise their hands. Karkat looks around and sees nothing, but the small group. “Where are the drugs?” he questions nervously. 

One member from the group gets a surprised look on his face, “Oh you’re here for the drugs Officer?” The speaker is a maroon blooded troll who has one too many scars across his face giving him harsh skin. 

Karkat looks around in front of him once more and gives a stuttered, “Yes?” Noises started behind him, but Officer Vantas ignored them due to how tense he is. 

Everyone in the small group of card players gets a wide smile on their face, the one who was previously speaking responds, “Sorry, but we’re not open for business for the likes of you.” The small group quickly reaches into their coats and pulls out their guns. 

Officer Vantas is taken aback and quickly turns to where Jade is to ask her to call for back up, but he finds her struggling to be freed by a huge brute of a human who is holding her arms behind her. “Nice of you to finally notice me, Karkat,” she struggles to say sarcastically. The human squeezes her arms so tight she cries out in pain. 

“Fuck,” is all Karkat can say as a response. 

“Filzar,” the maroon trolls calls, “Take care of theses good, honest officers for us, will ya’?” A light blue troll that looks bigger and stronger than the Chief of Police in Skaia walks over to Officer Vantas and pushes the stunned officer to the ground. Filzar smashes Karkat’s face with his foot. 

The apparent leader of the group, the maroon troll walks up to Vantas and bends over slightly, “Sorry that we couldn’t do business with ya’, but the drugs are in the back and we aren’t interested in selling right now.” The troll turns to the rest of the group, “Someone needs to contact SJ about this. We might need to relocate.” 

Karkat squirms under Filzar foot, “Who’s SJ?”

The entire criminal group laughs, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” solely answers the maroon. Filzar smashes Karkat’s face a little more, and Karkat coughs out a little bit of his mutant blood. 

Filzar is slightly taken aback, “Oi boss! We got a half-blood here!” 

The maroon blood walks back slowly, “I didn’t realize that the force recruited such . . . trash.”

Karkat grumbles with a little bit of strength, “I’m no fucking half-blood.” Karkat groans louder trying to fight Filzar’s foot, but failing, “I’m pure fucking troll!” 

The maroon troll laughs lightly, “Sure you are, ya freak.” He turns to the human and troll that are holding the officers, “Take them into a room and tie them up until SJ gives us further instructions.” The thugs nod and they take the officers away. 

Soon enough, Karkat and Jade are tied to chairs back to back. With only Filzar remaining to finish up Jade’s knots, he finishes and starts to leave.

“Wait!” Jade bursts, “Don’t we get a last request or something?”

Filzar booms a laugh, “I’m not giving you a knife or anything bitch.”

Jade shakes her head no, “No no no, not at all. I was wondering if I could have a smoke?” 

“You smoke?” asks the troll.

“You smoke?” asks a really surprised Karkat. 

“Yeah,” Jade convinces, “I’m addicted and shit. Just let me have one last one.” Filzar shrugs his head but pulls out a cigarette and shoves it into Jade’s mouth. He starts to leave before Jade speaks out again with the smoke in her mouth, “Aren’t you going to light it?”

Filzar grumbles but pulls out his lighter, “I don’t know how I should feel about my community officers having a smoking problem.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jade tries to say with a cigarette in her mouth. Filzar leaves the two officers alone after lighting the cigarette. 

Karkat lowers his head depressed, “I’m sorry Jade, this is my entire fucking fault. We should have called for backup or told Sollux where we were going. And now, we’re probably going to die.” He waited for Jade to have a response of some sort because usually at this time she would interject some annoying response, but now she was surprisingly quiet. “Uh Jade? I’m trying to fucking apologize to you for once. Mind giving me some fucking feedback?”

“Shut up Karkat,” Jade mumbles, “I’m trying to do something here.” Karkat turned his head around, and from the very corner of his eye he sees Jade with her head lowered very far and a distinct smell of smoke in the air. 

“Are you trying to burn through the ropes?” He questions startled. Jade response with what Karkat can only assume is a yes. “Well that explains the smoking. I should have known that you were lying.”

Jade risks the cigarette to correct Karkat on what he said, “Actually I do smoke.”

Karkat moves his head so fast and awkward he looked like he had a seizure, “Wait what?” 

“There!” Jade exclaims dropping the cigarette from her mouth. “The fire has caught on enough on the rope to last without the cigarette.” She breathes out a little, “Now all we have left to do is wait.” 

“Do you seriously smoke?” Karkat whispers embarrassed. 

Jade sighs, “Yes Karkat, I do indeed smoke.”

“Since when?”

“Well I started during the academy. It was allowed, and I was just so stressed . . . It doesn’t really matter,” Officer Harley explains embarrassed herself. 

“But-but,” Karkat stutters, “How come I’ve never seen you smoke? And I find it very fucking hypocritical that you’re always lecturing me on smoking!”

Jade rolls her eyes, “I’m not as horribly addicted and I don’t smoke as much as you. And what did you think I did on all of those breaks?” Karkat stared at his lap slightly embarrassed. “You know what Karkat; I do not want to know.” 

Karkat mutters under his breath, “Not my fault I don’t understand human females. Weird fucking bodies and shit.”

A minute passes, but the small fire is burning slowly. Jade breaks the silence, “I think now is the time to get to know each other, Karkat.” The troll officer groans a response. “Hey! You’re tied up with me, so you might as well be sociable.”

Karkat grumbles but gives up, “Fine.” The tired troll takes a deep breath. “I was born and raised in one of the care houses like other commonly abandoned trolls.”

“Didn’t you have a lusus? Now a day half-bloods have-“

“I’m not a fucking half-blood!” Karkat interrupts. “I don’t know why I have red blood, but I know that I am pure troll.” He lowers his voice, “If you must know my lusus died when I was young because of other trolls and the care houses took me in against my will. . . I suppose it was the best thing for me.” Karkat sighed and raised his head to look up at the high ceiling and reminisces, “When I was eight sweeps old I got out of the shit hole as fast as possible. Then I signed up on the force to prove that I could actually do something with my life. Prove to others that I was better than anyone even with mutant red blood.” Karkat lowers his head a little and twists it to look toward Jade, “What about you?”

Jade blinked a little tired, “My grandfather completely raised me on his own. My mother died at child birth and my father had a hunting accident shortly after. I never got to know them. My grandfather was a really nice man, but” Jade gulps a little sad herself, “He was just so worried about keeping me safe after what happened to my parents, he didn’t want anything to happen to me. Kept me on a tight leash you could say.” Jade gives a short strained laugh, “I guess you can say me joining the force was a way for me to rebel.” 

Karakt scoffs, “Some rebellion. Most parents would be proud to have a great officer as an offspring.”

Jade slyly looks over towards Karkat, “You think I’m a great officer?”

“Yeah yeah whatever,” he grumbles. Jade smirks. 

“See, I knew we could get along if we tried for once.”

The human officer then notices the rope again, “Hey it’s burned through!” One part of the rope burns through letting the other strands fall apart. Jade easily get out of the ropes, “Good thing these thugs are such idiots when it comes to rope tying!” Jade then helps Karkat out of his ropes.


	5. Chapter Five

Things surprisingly went well after that. Karkat himself called the station for back up and the two partners kept quiet until the force arrived to help them out. The sun was just starting to set when the Calvary arrived. Led by Sollux, the rest of the department broke into the abandoned factory, and the thugs gave in quickly realizing that they were outnumbered. When Karkat and Jade realized that it was safe, they left the small hostage room and rejoined the rest of the force. A group of seven officers are walking in and out of the building doing investigations and exporting the drugs. The police officer partners walk to Sollux to conform their safety. Chief Zahhak is instructing officers a little ways away.

“About time you fuckers got here,” complains Karkat. “I was getting really bored hiding in that fucking room waiting for you.”

Jade smacks the back of his head, “Control yourself. We owe them our lives right now.”

Sollux chuckles a little, “How you two are able to work together is beyond me. The Chief must have been out of his mind when he assigned you two together.” Sollux looks behind to make sure the Chief is out of earshot, “He‟s going to want to talk to you about this. There were too many mistakes made.”

The tired troll officer groans, “I know, but I really do not want to fucking deal with it right now.”

Sollux turns solemn, “You do realize that the Chief is going to be furious about this? He has a really short temper.”

Karkat sighed, “Maybe, but doesn‟t he always have one?” Karkat then proceed to grab a long needed cigarette, but after a short pause for thought, he offers one to Jade before putting them back in his pocket. She graciously accepts and Karkat walks back inside to check the factory‟s cargo, “I‟m just going to avoid him for a while.”

Just like the light green blooded troll told him, this is where all the drugs were. There are probably enough drugs here to put a great number a people happy for a while with the profits. Karkat sighs, this was supposed to be the case that would put him back on top alone; instead it had the exact opposite effect. He realizes now that Jade and he could probably work better than anyone else on the force. This whole situation could cause him to lose his job because of how much he fucked it up. Someone giggles behind him, and Karkat turns around to find the blind bounty hunter laughing at him leaning on her cane.

“Now what could you possibly be thinking about, Officer Vantas?” she smirks.

Karkat raises his eyebrow suspiciously, “Why so formal Terezi? And what, no fucking insult?” He continues to smoke his cigarette angrily.

The bounty hunter taps her fingers on her cane, a habit she has when thinking, “Well I thought that I should be kind to the officer who solved this case.”

Officer Vantas stares at her, “What are you talking about? I didn‟t solve this case, Jade did.”

Terezi cocks a wide smile, “Now that seems more likely than what I heard.”

Karkat throws his cigarette down and stares tired at Terezi, “And where did you hear that exactly?” He questions smashing his cigarette.

“Why from Ms. Lime herself,” Terezi answers trying not to burst out laughing. “She said that you found out the base, and when you both got captured because Jade had a misstep you had the genius plan of asking for a cigarette; which you used to escape from your binding ropes. Then you called for us.”

Karkat looks down at his feet ashamed, “Did she really say all that?”

“Yup! And Chief Zahhak completely believed her.”

Karkat rubs his face in his right hand, “I‟m so fucking stupid.” He lifts his face, “Jade did all of that, not me. Okay well I did call for help, but not until after Jade tried to do so multiple times before we got caught.”

The bounty hunter twirls her cane around, “Well she must have thought you deserved all the credit for solving the case then; instead of getting the lecture like she is getting right now.”

“What?” Karkat tries to make a run out of the building, but Terezi uses her cane to whack Karkat‟s feet from under him; which makes Karkat fall face first into the hard floor of the factory. Karkat lifts his face from the floor, “What the fuck Terezi? Why didn‟t you tell me? She could get-“

“She‟s not going to get fired you idiot,” the bounty hunter interrupts. “She‟s new; she‟s allowed a rookie mistake or two. You however have been fucking up and complaining like a bitch. So unlike you, she won‟t be fired. You know how the Chief is.”

Karkat drops his face back onto the floor, “I am the biggest fucking moron ever.”

Terezi taps on his head with the bottom of her cane, “Maybe, but that should mean you‟ll try harder next time to make it up to Ms. Lime.” Terezi giggles again, “I must say, cherries and limes usually don‟t go together, a horrible taste, but you two could actually make it happen.” Terezi lightly kicks his head, “Now get up again, you look really pathetic, and someone who just solved a case should not act this way.”

Karkat slowly pulls himself back up, “I still can‟t believe she did that for me.” He turns to Terezi, “Why the fuck do you call her Ms. Lime?”

The female troll snickers, “Well she‟s not married!” Karkat groans at her horrible joke. “Alright alright, it‟s because of her eyes. They are the most interesting shade of green. Haven‟t you noticed?”

Karkat thinks for a second but shakes his head, “No, I‟ve never really looked.”

The bounty hunter tilts her head a little to look like she‟s looking at Karkat in a new way, you know if she could see at all. “You care about this girl, don‟t you?” Terezi asks taping her fingers across the head of her cane.

Karkat looks annoyed at Terezi, “She‟s my partner, so I have to care for her, don‟t I? It‟s not like it‟s anything more than coworkers that get on each others nerves.”

Terezi giggles to herself, “Yes I understand exactly how it is,” she answers sarcastically. “We used to work together after all.”

“Don‟t fucking remind me,” Karkat says shuddering. “You‟re worse than Harley is.”

The blind troll laughs but stops abruptly, “That reminds me, have you told her about Ms. Lime yet?”

Karkat looks straight at Terezi serious, “Who‟s her?”

“You know who I‟m talking about,” Terezi responds annoyed.

Karkat sighs rubbing his head, “No, I haven‟t told her about Jade, but I figured she already knows what with her fucking connections in the department.”

“Still,” Terezi argues, “It might be nice to hear from your side. When was the last time you two talked?”

Karkat yawned, “It‟s been a long time, and I don‟t plan on talking to her soon.”

“Karkat,” Terezi says faking an astounded tone, “I‟m surprised. Don‟t you care about your ex-wife/matesprit?”

“It doesn‟t matter to her, Terezi.” Karkat starts to leave the factory, “Now I‟d appreciate it if you wouldn‟t talk about her to Jade.”

Karkat turns his back to Terezi and continues to walk forward out the factory‟s door. Terezi shouts a little response, “You haven‟t told Jade about her either, have you?” Karkat flips her off while still walking and Terezi laughs, “Well this is going to be interesting.”

The troll officer walks out of the factory where he finds Jade receiving slight medical help for her arms. Karkat walks up to her, “How are you doing?” The medic leaves them alone.

She smiles caressing her arms, “I‟m fine, I‟m lucky they didn‟t break my arms or anything.” She looks over at Karkat and frowns, “You should consider getting medical assistance for yourself. You‟re bleeding!” Indeed Karkat was bleeding do to all the smashing face on the ground shit, but the troll officer just shrugs his shoulders.

“Trolls have more blood than humans do, I‟ll be fine. It‟s already scabbing.”

Officer Harley continues to frown, “That is probably not healthy, Karkat.”

Karkat groans, “Will you stop worrying about me so much? I can take care of myself.”

Jade snickers, “Can you?”

While Jade laughs, Karkat gets a decent look into her eyes. They were indeed an interesting shade of green, not unlike limes. Karkat would say they were sort of pretty, but that‟s not something Karkat would ever say. Jade brushes her hair back with her good hand and looks confused at Karkat.

“What are you staring at?”

Snapping back to reality Karkat replies quickly, “Oh nothing!” He gets a little red in the face embarrassed by what just happened. The officer tries to change the subject, “Jade, I wanted to apologize for how I‟ve been acting ever since we‟ve met. I was an asshole.”

“I prefer fuckass,” Jade interrupts.

“Right,” agrees Karkat, “I want us to be able to cooperate from now on. Which means I need to respect your ideas better.” Karkat snaps back into attention realizing his mistake, “But don‟t think that makes you fucking better than me or something! I still have authority over you.”

Jade gives a small smile, “Of course Karkat.”

Karkat takes a deep breath, “Whether I like it or not, you‟re a good officer Harley, not as great as me, but good. You‟re grandfather should be proud of you.”

Officer Harley looks down a little sad, “Well I‟m sure he would if he was still alive.”

“Wait what?” Karkat quickly asks realizing that he fucked things up again.

“Hello Mr. Vantas,” darkly greets the chief; which makes Karkat jump a mile in the air (figuratively of course). Chief Zahhak turns to Jade who has lifted her head, “I hope you remember my lecture, Ms. Harley. I can only tolerate such actions for so long.”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Now,” The large troll turns to the small frighten troll officer, “I need to know if you know anything about a SJ?”

Officer Vantas looks up at the Chief is actually shading Karkat, “Only that he seems to be some sort of head honcho for this operation.”

“Hmm, that‟s no more than what I found out,” responds Zahhak. “I first heard of this person when we busted in and they were calling for said person for help. We‟re going to interrogate them about him, but I‟m not sure about how much information we‟ll get since these are low class thugs.”

“I guess we‟ll all need to keep our eyes out for an SJ then?” Karkat assumes.

“Exactly, Mr. Vantas.”

“I wonder who it could be?” Jade questions. “It could be anyone.”

“Heeeeeeeey guys!” says a certain spider troll pushing Karkat to the side and nearly knocking him down.

“Damn it Vriska!” Karkat shouts regaining his balance. “Can‟t you see that we‟re working here?”

Vriska huffs, “Yeah? Well I was working for hours at the stations, and it is booooooooring!” She responds making an exaggeration of just how boring it really was.

Chief Zahhak grabs his handkerchief and dabs it on himself, “Ms. Serket, please control yourself. This is a crime scene.”

Vriska waves off Equius‟s response, “Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Hey where are you putting the drugs anyways?”

Jade answers, “Well since it‟s evidence, we‟re keeping it for such purpose.”

“You are not allowed to fucking touch it Vriska!” Karkat shouts at the troll.

The spider troll throws her hands up, “Please! I wouldn‟t dream of it.” She turns around walking away from the factory, “Now if you don‟t mind, I have a date in the hospital.” And then she was gone.

Karkat completes a two times face palm, “I swear that bitch is going to be the death of us.”

'Agreed' thinks Chief Zahhak.


End file.
